Think of You Later..

2012-01-25T14:16:00.001+08:00

Had a really awesome day yesterday! :D
Went out w my darlings, Rainn and Nicky <3
Had an impromptu photoshoot and it turnd out awesome! :D
Some of em pixies were blurry tho :(
Bummer.
But we managd to get a few good ones :D
Went to out usual walkway over in th swamp at paris..
Dont know why but there we so many orang minyaks out and about :O
Maybe cux of th holidays..
Well anyway, after a tiring, and sweaty shoot
We headed down to ehub to reward ourselves with Burger King ^.^
While walking out of th swamp, th girls on top of th bird tower were singing Adele's Someone Like You.
So we decided to sing along
And of course we were way better than them! ;D serious.
And what more awesome was that Nick startd singing first, thn i joind in and Rain did too
And we accidentally harmonised with each other super well! IT WAS EPIC! :D
So we kept singing random songs all th way to ehub hehehe :3
It was a good day ;D

So here are th pixies! ^.^

2012-01-20T04:21:00.002+08:00

i can be so mean sometimes.

but you're always there for me,

understanding my situation

no matter how harsh were th words

no matter how hard were th punches

you always jux stood there

you see through my smile

you wiped away my tears

you held my shaking hands

and hugged me tighter when I try to push you away

and every night i ask myself

why?

its always nice to have friends who are always there to clean your mess up with you

only th best of friends are there for each other

through thick and thin

sometimes i cant hekp but wonder

why do i deserve all these kindness from people

i cant help but to vent it out

i cant help but to whine

i cant help but to repeat myself

and yet they're still there every single time

im sure theyre sick of hearing it but

they sat through it each time

with a comfort hand on my shoulder

for what its worth, i appreciate you

all my friends

all my close friends

and i want you all to know that

...

oddly enough

i cant connect to people anymore

i jux cant

i keep to myself

and only open up to th people i feel most comfortable with

and those people

i can count with jux one hand

i guess i finally acceptd it

and its better this way

its not a matter of trust issue

i trust people easily and they take advantage of it

happend too many times

and im fine with it

i forgave them

and i will always do

but right now

im jux tired

so, so tired of all these needs to want people

im still up

and know what i did at 4am jux now?

i jux got off th phone with Qai

things got heatd up again

as usual

we always end up fighting

eventhough we're not even together or whatever

because im tired that hes smothering me

bothering about me

caring for me

i jux feel so disgustd

and so i pushd him away and he got mad

but i know,

what he said, it was for my own good

it was to make me realise

i cant be like that to people who really care for me

i hav to giv them a chance and let them in

and make new friends

i cant stay negative about every thing

and that everything will jux end up bad

and everything will jux be gone like that

and everything will jux end,

when im finally gone

i know all this

i know

but i jux cant help but to build a wall around me

its like an automatic defence mechanism

what i thought was for th better of others

are actually hurting them and

hurting me

so after things got too heatd

aftr sounding so mad over th phone

i finally decided to rest

i put down th phone

and immediately i scrambled to dial a few other friends

but thank god no one pickd up

and i think to myself

what am i doing

and why do i even need them

i have not been sleeping

its either i sleep so little or too much

th only reason i slept a lot is cux of my meds

what with all th stupid sickness and stupid chest of mine

i havent been talking to many people

jux th usual

but yes, we all need someone

i hate to admit it but i do

as much as i want to be independent, i do need someone

and i dont mean a boyfriend or any guy

i jux need a friend

but right now

th only person i need is

me.

i need me to help myself to put things back in order

so im sorry if i dont open up to you

its not that i dont trust you

i jux dont trust myself.

...

this shit needs to be turnd into a song!

and its going to be awesome ;D

nights peeps

sorry for th depressing post

thats what happens at 5am

2012-01-18T04:31:00.003+08:00

so yeah i finally created my free account on vampirefreaks.com a couple of days ago

and to my surprise, people there are friendly :D

maybe its because they want you to rate them or something

but even though its insincere, you cant help but feel warm.

yeah they hav this feature where you can rate a user from one to ten.

one being uglyass and 10 being super hot. like me. HAHAHA *vomit*

but so far every single person who rated me gave me a ten

so i feel good about that ;D

but anywhere on the internet there are bound to be trolls, pervs and whatnots

so you hafta becareful

and did i mention i made a new msn account?

yeah i did!

gosh, its been ages since i used msn

i miss the alert sound it makes when someone chatted you up

hahaha

Rainn and i chattd like mad jux now

cux i was so excited to use msn again

hehe :3

and this is just in general, not really pointd to someone

but

why are guys being so emotional and clingy today?

isnt that supposed to be the girl's job?

i know guys have feelings too, duhh

but youre acting like a softie and that pisses me off

MAN UP, for God's sake!

maybe its because i think like a man..

im always th man when it comes to dates, relationships, whatever

so im kinda sick of it

but sometimes i feel like im too harsh or mean towards them

and then i'll feel bad

then again, they deservd it.

im jux rambling

for some reason, cough syrup doesnt make me sleep

it makes me drowsy, but my mind exceptionally hyper

jux now rainn was telling me about this douchebag who lied to girls he went to some prestigious school

and braggd about taking A lvls and shit

first of all, NOBODY CARES, ASSHOLE.

second of all, your english is like so terrible and horrendous

wait, do you even know what that means?

yeah, horrendous, look it up, Einstein

you cant even speak or type out a proper grammatically correct english sentence

and there you are bragging about th prestigious school you went to and A lvls

HOW TH FLYING FUCK DID YOU GET THERE?!

those teachers would send you ass flying outta th school th minute you say one sentence

that is if you can put together one

OBVIOUSLY, it was a lie.

Rainn said something as a joke

and he took offence

dude, joke?

if his intelligence level is at least an average

he would understand that that was a joke

and wouldnt be taken aback or be offended

and here he is getting all emotional

dude, you calld her a dog.

WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU.

obviously, hes below average in th thinking department

like waaaaaay below

some people.. TIPU PON TAK PASS.

KAU BODOH PE.

oh memang.

and jux now i kinda fought with some dude, Q.

it wasnt really a fight

a heated argument is more like it

he was pissd at my incapacity to express my feelings

well, if i dont feel comfortable talking to him about it,

why should i even try

i didnt ask him to be so outright and mushy

and when i dont reciprocate, he gets mad

why are you even forcing me to do it

it will always end up sounding insincere every time i do that

then he'd get mad at that too

and he's pissed i didnt give him attention

OH, IM SUPPOSE TO DO THAT?

i thought you were th one whos supposed to give me attention

since youre a guy afterall

you complaind that i give you too little attention

that i didnt show enough care and concern,

that i am not romantic,

that i always say youre boring

and you expect me to come to you

and you complaind i needed t much space until i neglect you

i mean, WHATS UP WITH THAT?

why are th roles getting reversd here

and there, i sound jux like a guy again

usually its th girls who complain their guys are too quiet

and dont really express their feelings so much

but this is th other way round

its always for me

i hav to make th move

i hav to start everything first

i hav to ask what theyre feeling and whats bothering them

i hav to bloody ask what th bloody fuck did i do wrong and theyd be like "u pikir sendiri"

BITCHHH I ASKD YOU.

if i knew, i wouldnt ask.

then id hav to be th one chasing them for answers and figuring out everything by myself cux theyre too cowardly to say it

why do i hav such a manly mindset

me, nina and fae.

we all think like a guy

not that i dated so many guys

like please, th number of guys i dated are like lesser than th number of fingers we hav on each hand

but i hang out with so many guys

cux i hav loads of guy friends

i cant really click with girly girls

theyre annoying

cant stand em

but then again, the guys are th ones acting like girls

complaining to me and asking for advice on this and that

im like a BRO.

im a DUDE.

but sometimes being so dude-ish, can really hurt someone

someone who is sincere in being there and laying it all on th line for you

and i jux stand there and refuse to advance towards them and instead run th opposite way

and then he said, " its never a big deal to you on everything."

sometimes, making it a big deal will bring you disappointment if it doesnt materialises

right now, i jux cant stand getting too close to any guy

im jux so mentally and emotionally tired to take care of their feelings

to act so proper and to be so tied down

i hate to be smothered.

and right now i jux wanna lie in bed, and dream of someone.

because he's cute

and i know i can never hav him

cux hes so far away

and so popular

and loads of girls are after him

and hes a celebrity

but im tellin ya, dude

youre missing out on life by taking a pass on this girl right here ;D

and th weird thing is, everytime i think im happy by imagining someone there beside me

i feel so relaxd that i can fall asleep

maybe its because being happy all th time is boring

what a snore

haha!

guten morgen, sweeties.

im off to bed ;D

2012-01-14T04:49:00.001+08:00

Currently at kirq's place.
Having a sleepover.
Jux finishd pract on ze keyboard n guitar~
Gosh, am i tired!
Dont think i'll be sleeping..
Gotta wake up to meet Moosey and his girl.
Finally kirq's off th phone.
Hope everyth's okay w marsha..

Okay! Gonna go continue keyboard pract!

xx

Sleep with one eye open.

2012-01-13T04:33:00.001+08:00

4am forever.

2012-01-13T02:29:00.001+08:00

UNGLAM. HAHAHA~

2012-01-13T02:00:00.001+08:00

Hold me now,
I'm six feet from the edge and I'm thinking;
Maybe six feet ain't so far down.

2011-10-05T13:18:00.001+08:00

"I won't conform to the society." But what most don't realise is that society has shaped us to the way they want us to be. Young minds, with not much control of our thinking, they fed us information on what is acceptable in their society and what is not. Lying by omission, they reinforce misconceptions, bringing it forth into generations to come. With majority on their side, those left with independence of mind are seen as outcasts. Pressured, they are forced to join. As human beings, our greatest fear is to be alone. We are in constant search of love and sense of belonging. Built on common grounds, a social pyramid is erected.

The most powerful tool of the human mind is emotion. Our emotions control how we act and how we perceive things. By invoking information, the emotions are evoked; it is not direct. With that, it alters our perception, blinding us from individuality. Our individuality is oppressed. We observe the majority and we imitate. One archetype is made, and the others follow suit. Elusivity provokes curiosity, a want and need to know. It plays with people's mind a little bit. In the end, it achieves a great impact to a wide audience which is what they often desire. With just a little spark, it spreads like wildfire.

The power of words also plays a major part in propaganda. Twisting definitions, arranging the carefully selected words creates a certain tone, in this case, often in a preaching manner. Eloquence is key. It transforms just mere words into persuasive sense in a fluent yet elegant manner, to obtain desired conviction. Winston Churchill is one politician that is famous for his eloquence. A leader of the opposition, with a substantial number of supporters from the British population, he is brought down by the majority. But as a leader, he fought for his position. Also, by word of mouth, news spread fast and information is carried to many at a very fast speed. Often, the negative reaches faster then the positive. Unverified piece of negative information, otherwise known as rumours, makes a greater impact as it sparks hatred and anger, the few emotions that are the strongest and most influential. A concept that lacks definition makes room for more input which are generated by opinions. Imagination runs wild to create a story.

With careful interpretation on human behaviour, we can gather that we are in a constant state of desire. With a sinful notation to the word 'desire,' this brings us to the 7 deadly sins as derived from the Bible. The 7 deadly sins are: Lust, gluttony, avarice, sloth, wrath, envy and pride. In order to lure followers, they bait the masses with wants as opposed to needs, playing on their weaknesses. To further elaborate through examples, lust is an excessive thinking of sexual nature. Sex sells nowadays and the masses demands it. Gluttony is over-indulgence. Fast-foods are an over-indulgence as it is available everywhere, at your nearest convenience and most importantly, they taste good. Greed is an excessive and vicious desire, often pertaining to wealth and status. People want to be famous and people want more money to lead an easy and luxurious life.

In the game of monopoly, the person with the most bought properties usually wins as those who lands on the owner's properties are forced to pay rent. From this mere kids' board game, there is a biger message that we can derive out of it. Those who possess not much and trespasses are forced to give up monetary offerings to be allowed to complete their turn; to continue survivng through until the next unfortunate encounter. With not much in hand, they are forced to give up whatever they have, until to the last bit where they will be declared the 'loser.' A great example, who monopolise the market back in the day, is the Rockerfella family. With the two Rockerfella brothers having a tight grip on money and oil, having the two being the most essential in living in this society, they can pretty much have a tighter embrace, of the world. Oil is expensive, and money is everything.

Propaganda. Brainwash, mind control, hypnosis and psychology comes to mind when we see the word 'propaganda.' It certainly plays with one's mind. Though, the end product is often common; control. Without control, comes insecurities. With insecurities, comes paranoia. And everything, would be out of control.

Shattered by Broken dreams - a7x

2011-09-30T01:51:00.001+08:00

I love this song. I love th old a7x.
These lyrics kinda fits what went through my mind that time.

...

I see you fading away from us.
I'll miss you very much.
Room with empty bottles, broken dreams,
and pride still running high, always on your side.

But I wanted more for you.
You can't go on this way.
And now I see it all fall through.
We pray for better days.

Stuck alone and scared.
Throw your life away
and now choking on your pride
may be the only way.

I don't want to leave you like this.
We all tried to save you but missed.
I still feel the hope on your road.
Now come back to us like the days of the old.

I still feel you there, trying to get on top.
You'll always have my support, in my heart.
People you've hurt.
Friends that you've lied to.
But we understand, and that's not you
can't take the end of the road,
I can see it now, for you,
I'm scared, if I lose you, I'm not prepared.
This time, if you die.
I watch you, right before my eyes.
Just trust me, and listen.
You have no self control.

This will take your life.

Overdose and then indulge until you die.
Wondering, we still ask the question why.
Broken home, and then abandoned by your dad.
And we are left the only family that you've ever had.

Overdose and then indulge until you die.
Wondering, we still ask the question why.
Broken home, and then abandoned by your dad.
And we are left the only family that you've ever had.

I wanted more for you.
You can't go on this way.
And now I see it all fall through.
We pray for better days.

Stuck alone and scared.
Throw your life away
and now choking on your pride
may be the only way.

Help you see it through.
Fight this me and you.
Reaching deep inside.
Problems not just you is what we find.
Our friendship makes it mine.

Fight lil princess

2011-08-30T03:38:00.001+08:00

I tried to save you from th hell fire,
Put salvation upon those shoulders.
I tried to save you from th hurt inside,
But youre making it harder.

Struggling, fighting, gasping for air,
I held our my hands, no!
Insisting, persisting, screaming for dare,
You were sinking, and you know it.

Push me away, make yourself scarce,
Im forever locked away.
A tower so high up, u put me there,
Youre my true escape.

This princess needs no prince charming,
A true warrior of th heart.
She can slay her own dragons,
With only words so sharp.

Your defenses heavy and ready,
Youre burning bridges.
Brick walls, iron gates in my path,
Leaving me helpless.

Push me away, make yourself scarce,
Im forever locked away.
A tower so high up, u put me there,
Youre my true escape.

You were sinking,
And you know it.

2011-08-10T03:39:00.001+08:00

KORANG SUMA DENGAR SINI EH BAIK-BAIK.

HIDOP MESTI MAU CHILL.

TAKMU TENSION, MAINTAIN BALANCE.

INGAT.

2011-08-06T23:26:00.001+08:00

One, two,
Buckle my shoe.

Three, four,
Shut th door.

Five, six,
SUCK MY DICK.

:D

2011-08-06T16:16:00.001+08:00

Who is among us?
Who?
I cannot utter a blessing while he is here.
I cannot feel one.
Where he treads, the earth is parched!
Where he breathes, the air is fire!
Where he feeds, the food is poison!
Where he turns his glance is lightning!
Who is he?

2011-07-24T13:16:00.001+08:00

Fine. I admit it. I was wrong. Im sorry. What im really sorry for is caring for you. I didnt want anyth in return. But u decided to bring me down in public. Embarrass me and made me cry in front of my friends. So thank you. Oh yeah, im more of a mess than you are. Happy now?

Holy shit

2011-07-14T14:31:00.001+08:00

Why hello there. Currently im sittin on ze toilet bowl, smokin n shittin while blogging. You know how they say u get an epiphany on th toilet bowl. Yeah. Now im tryin to see if anyth mindblowing comes to mind.

Nope.

its all about th vuhjeejee

2011-07-13T01:30:00.004+08:00

Guess what? Me and Kira went to th library today to read! :D I dont know why but i jux looveee to read. But when i tell people that im reading a book, theyd be like " WHAT?! " Is it really that shocking? Dont you people read nowadays? Well atleast akim thinks im cute when im reading a book :D

While i was browsing through th shelves, i stumbled upon a book regarding a girl's hoo hoo. You know, down there. Its written by a gynaecologist. If you dont know what a gynaecologist is, theyre basically vagina doctors okay?

So yeah, then i read about the most weirdest thing that she ever saw down there, inside a woman's holy sacred temple or cave of th unknown. Can you believe a woman showed up in her clinic with vines growing outta her hoo haa? VINES?! Those that creep up fences and wrap around tree trunks! It was written that when VINE LADY spread her legs, there was a bloody awful smell which filled th entire room. Hmm, reminds me of some slut. yana. Like seriously?! Turns out, VINE LADY stuffd a potato up in her ekk ekk. Cux she was told by her mammy by doing so, she wouldnt get pregnant. Th heck. I think we've all learnt a valuable lesson here. You can grow vegetables in a vagina. Mind. Blown. Who knew?

Another incident is a woman who came to her regarding a ticklish feeling down there, sorta like something moving in her pumpkin. She also said that theres a thick white discharge so th gynae decided to swab th liquid and put it onto a slide to be observed thru th microscope. But th thing is, when she tried to place th cover on th slide, it cant be done. Seems like something bulky. So she decided to look thru th microscope without th cover and guess what she saw? MOTHERFUCKING MAGGOTS. GOOD GOD. And theyre bloody wriggling around! Of course this can be rid of with tablets but seriously? Maggots? what do you have up there lady? A corpse? Some dude musta died in there from th smell. You know why there are maggots up there? Cux she had some kinky sex act involving food stuffs. DAMMIT THERE GOES MY SEX FANTASY INVOLVING WHIPPED CREAM. Jux kidding. I finally understood th true meaning behind it when my mammi said to me to never play with my food. So kids, listen to mammi. Never play with your food. Or youd end up with maggots in your tootsie.

I think ive traumatised you enough with this for you to abstain from sex for a while. So here's something to lighten up th mood. A quote from @angkatpaiseh! God i love em.

" Tengah jalan, semua pandang aku, senyum2 beh aku prasan aku hotstuff.

Check2 mulot bawak bekal #akuangkatpaisehdulu "

Authentic Fake

2011-07-12T02:58:00.003+08:00

I know you doesnt like the

idea that im getting married

to her kan?

6 Jul. 2011 12:21

From: Dinie Haziq

Boi, english pecah. Maintain sikit.

I didnt say that. Look, she has

you now, so you need to jux

get th fuck out of my life.

6 Jul. 2011 12:23

To: Dinie Haziq

Hmmm, tapi dulu

she still has me but i didnt

get out of ur life.

Hmmm, i know la u dont

care about me.

6 Jul. 2011 12:24

From: Dinie Haziq

GEEZUZ. Fuck off lah.

Youre right. I dont.

6 Jul. 2011 12:24

To: Dinie Haziq

Hmmm, yelah.

6 Jul. 2011 12:25

From: Dinie Haziq

*ignores*

Since u said u dont. Fine

bye then.

6 Jul. 2011 12:30

From: Dinie Haziq

bye lor.

Like u said, i shld disappear and

never come back. I will.

6 Jul. 2011 12:33

From: Dinie Haziq

YESSSAAAAA!

I know you miss me. Hmmm.

6 Jul. 2011 12:46

From: Dinie Haziq

fuck.

Come here ah slp with

me..

6 Jul. 2011 12:48

From: Dinie Haziq

FUCK?!

U are really ignoring

me? Hmmm. Haiz. Takpe

la.

6 Jul. 2011 12:55

From: Dinie Haziq

Geez. U think?

Bby.. Reply me pls. Why

are u acting this way?

No one care fr me at all.

Btw, i got into an

accident last week. Its a

lie that u doesnt care

abt me. Kan?

6 Jul. 2011 13:00

From: Dinie Haziq

Sape sak baby kau. Sila berambos.

Haiz, u tak nk reply pun

tak payah la. If i know i

shouldnt have contacted

u in the first place.

6 Jul. 2011 13:09

From: Dinie Haziq

KAU DAH KENAPA?! APE KAU NAK CHEEBAI?!

Dude, Crack is BAD.

6 Jul. 2011 13:10

To: Dinie Haziq

PWNED.

yes, these are actual texts.

in th middle are basically was what was running through my mind while reading it.

okay i should sleep.

another quote from @angkatpaiseh ?

here it is.

" Aku bukak pintu beh ada nenek nak jual kropok #akuangkatpaisehdulu "

Club HELLaGood

2011-07-10T05:12:00.004+08:00

Im almost done with reading a book. Its about a woman living in new york struggling to pay off her credit card debts. Which made me think, i do not wanna sign up for one. Tho, having a few in my wallet would be nice. I think i would look ten times cooler with many cards in my wallet. Cux my card slots in my wallet are empty. Besides my ic, nets and a coupon for long johns, which is way overdue, thats basically it. Except for a wad of receipts. Not a wad of cash. Im broke. Like most girls, i tend to shove every receipt i get into my wallet. Even receipts for ciggies which i would cry over at th reminder of spending 10 bucks everyday to sticks which are slowly killing me. Th thought alone is killing me. What more th parting of th cash for a mini box of deathsticks. They are evil. I curse every tobacco company out there. How dare you demand money in return for my soul? How do you sleep at night ?

I tried to quit. Failed miserably. I could go as low as 2 sticks per day last time but now, a pack daily. Means 10 bucks per day, and with 7 days a week (duhh) im spending 70 bucks a week, 280 bucks per month for an early funeral. I even hav to pay fr my own funeral! Thats a lot of money coming from a stick. I told you they are evil. Almost 300 bucks a month. Imagine what i could buy with that kind of money! I could pay bills! Or invest on myself. You know, make up, skin care products, clothes! And btw ive been eyeing this one super cute black dress at New Look. Heck, i could even buy it if i wasnt hooked onto sticks. Damn you. Damn you to hell.

The last time i tried to quit, i decided to make my cash unavailable for ciggies. Means i spend on things like crazy. That was back when i had a job. Now im unemployed, and i used up my last 2.10 of my savings on a bottle of h2o cux i was thirsty from smoking ( damn you deathsticks), im at my wits end as to how to survive th upcoming week. I spent my money on clothes mostly. Up til now i believe i made th right decision seeing as to how i do not repeat wearing th same outfit out as so often like before. Malu! Nak kene jaga image! But i am not one who cares too much about my looks. A tee n skinnies and a pair of flip flops and im out th door. I like to be comfortable in what i wear out. Plus i sweat, no, perspire a lot. Sweat is for pigs. I am not a pig. Im jux fat.

Th reasons why i smoke.

1. Theyre like imaginary best friends. Always there to help me pass time while waiting. There for me when im stressd. There with me while my ex said 'i want a break up'. There for me when im reflecting on my mistakes. There for me thru tears. There when im planning out my future ( what im gonna wear tomorrow). Even when i wake up in th middle of th night crying, theyre always there. Aww. Fuck it.

2. Im always conscious about my body. Yes, im fat. Im reminded everytime i step into th bathroom and see my naked self in th mirror. So i told myself, at least if i buy ciggies, i couldnt spend on food which means i wouldnt eat a lot. I could be a supermodel. That made me feel better and run to a store to deposit an investment on my early death. Sounds good doesnt it?

3. Theyre a type of social tool. I actually met some of my close friends while having a smoke. Say a cute guy walks up to buy a stick. Id usually give and dont expect Guy to give me 50 cents for it. Heck i should charge 1 buck a pop. But since im nice and hes cute, i usually give Guy one stick in exchange fr a chat or a name. No numbers. (I hate maths). We'd have a lovely chat, get to know each other a wee bit better and hang out again at th same spot fr a smoke next time. Bonds are created jux becux of a stick. Youre smoking away and th next thing you know, youre married. Who knows. And lighter too. Apparently there are idiots who could afford 10 bucks fr a pack and not 30 cents for a lighter. Yes, u can get a lighter fr 30 cents. Mane mau korek? Value dollar, beb. Mancis, satu pack belambak boleh dpat for jux a dollar n five cents. I know right! 5 cents sungguh tak perlu.

4. I swore on it. I would not stop smoking until i found a boyfriend. Funny. But sad and true. Which wouldnt be anytime soon. I leave it all up to fate. Tawakal. Is that th correct word? I dont know. I failed my malay.

5. The " i will die when my time comes " reason. Smoking is scientifically proven to cause cancer which will eventually lead u to 6 feet under. Or is it 7? Cant remember. I will know when i die. Wait, tat doesnt make sense (i never do). When people say,

" stop smoking! You will die! "

Id be all,

"fuck you i will die when i die"

Its like im provoking God to take me away. Tsk. Never play with God. He has cheat codes.

6. Everyth seems to be in slowmo when youre smoking. Its so much fun.

7. Try smoking after a heavy meal. Full stomach + ciggies = BETTER. THAN. SEX.

Th reasons why i shoulnt smoke.

1. They kill. DUHH.

2. Im going to hell. They ruined my relationship with my mom n dad. I made my mom cry. And im going to hell for it. Yes, every tear from mothers that they wont forgive th reason for condemns u in God's eyes. So yeah. Im pretty sure im going to hell. I think im like a VIP there or something. Heck, i think id even get my own registration booth so i wouldnt have to wait in line to get into Club HELLaGood. Next to rafiq's. Like in th song ' Your Betrayal' by Bullet For My Valentine, I can finally dance in th flames. Literally. Even i cant forgive myself for making mummy cry. Im sorry mummy. I know im a bad kid.

3. They make my hands smell manly. And my hair stink. And i have loads of hair. On my head. But i think its damn attractive for a guy to smell of cigarettes. Mixed with an alluring perfume, i jux feel like grabbing Guy by th hair, sniff his neck and jawline n kiss him. But that only happens in my head. Th kissing part anw.

4. They cost 10 bucks.

5. They are expensive.

6. They are bloody expensive.

7. They are muthafucken expensive.

8. They have an average shelf life of 3 days once box is opened. On th fouth day, i suggest u standby a cup of coffee cux it gonna taste BAD. i wouldnt smoke a four days old ciggy if i were you. Why? Simple. Would you shave of your head? No. Unless its for Hair For Hope. Its th same concept. U shouldnt do it unless youre about to die.

9. Lufi aka sexyhair's teeth n gums. *cringe*

So support me! I wanna stop smoking. Not immediately, but slowly im sure. Anybody wanna be my boyfriend? ( refer to Reasons i smoke number 4) I'll be keeping track of th sticks i smoke. Maybe i should suck on lollies instead of ciggies. Theyre much cheaper.

So this is Bam. In her bra n boxers, snuggled up under th blankie typing this out onto her itouch with a bigass crack on th screen with her eyes half closed. Excuse th typos.

I shall end with a quote from @angkatpaiseh.

" Nak show off lagu techno dalam bus, terplay lagu hindustan #akuangkatpaisehdulu. "

2011-06-29T23:06:00.008+08:00

yeah.

its been a while eh.

so many things have happened since.

for one,

i went to Istanbul :D

was a great holiday

except for gettin caught smokin and getting gangbanged by mummy n daddy in th hotel room

yeah but besides that it was AWESOMAZING.

beautiful place.

i'd like to go there with someone special one day

so rich in history and culture

gorgeous buildings,

th architecture is simply breathtaking.

i didnt feel like going home.

a week spent there felt like a day.

2011-06-05T15:14:00.003+08:00

i remember

th long stretch of road

th back of your head

th exact shape of th moon

i remember

th passing constellations

th wind in my hair

th accelerated rhythm of my heart

i remember

th sway of your body

th strokes on my thighs

th tightened grip around th waist

th quickened breaths

th parting of th lips

i remember,

i remember.

2011-05-18T14:56:00.002+08:00

which one nicer?

2011-05-12T00:13:00.000+08:00

i feel so small sometimes
especially now
i no longer talk to people
or make friends
especially boys
i hate boys
i guess its like that when shit happens
instead i jux stay with my different groups of friends
all i do is
school
go home
play guitar
sleep
and th cycle repeats
but im happy (:

sometimes i still think about it
sometimes i wonder why
sometimes i think things will jux happen
and you cant do anything about it
but jux move along with th flow
sometimes i want to go against th flow
sometimes i want to drown myself in th flow
but what i know is
i am strong enough to pick myself up and move about
no point hanging around.

bitches, be free.

2011-05-03T23:09:00.002+08:00

i bought me a simple black dress from new look :D

first day of school was fuckd up

went to tut in th morning but there was no one in class

sot pe

so whatever

then went to th rest of th lectures until 3pm

oh god so tiring

and i spilld a whole bottle of lychee drink in my bag

and my jacket is wet and it smells funny from th lychee drink

bcux i very smart nvr cap th bottle before putting it in -.-

after school decided to go tamp

my hand was itchy to spend money

i think i spent about 50bucks today

on my dress, my lanyard and friendship bands and ciggy and i gave 10 bucks to fee and i lepak at starbucks after shopping

yeah i have no self control.

well, atleast im spending on myself and making me happy :D

WOOOOAAAAH MONA LISA~

hahahaha

song's stuck in me head.

JAMBI~ (zombie)

^.^

2011-05-02T23:52:00.002+08:00

I HAD TH BEST LONG WEEKEND EVARRR.

3 consecutive nights i wasnt home

now that im home i feel awkward

hahahaha

slept over at kirq's house

and we partied til we drop

every single night!

hahaha!

went to pump room

and had a blast!

and he brought me to th screening room

which is gonna be my favourite place to chill!

cux its a rooftop bar!

can lie on a sofa, drink and stargaze

super relaxing i swear

aftr a hard night of partying

spent our nights jux chillin on th sofa watching tv

and i spent a lot on drinks and cabs and ciggy

hehe

well atleast i was happy :D

but now im not.

cux im broke :(

UWEKKK.

kirq and me

jux th two of us

conquering every club

hahahaha

we partied jux th two of us!

tu pon da kecoh haram xD

i love kirq :D

and qai was super nice

such a cutie

so sweet of him to spend so much on me

went around tamp mall shopping

i forcd him to shop for boxers and he felt awkward

his face was priceless

hahaha

that boy doesnt know th meaning of shame

constantly making me laugh at his stupid antics hahaha

so yeah

i enjoyd my super awesome long weekend!

really needed it

and now

back to school.

FUCK.

2011-04-26T13:34:00.001+08:00

Our partners should know better our capabilities ,worth & weaknesses.
To weigh weakness in favor of those two,is just sad really. Heartbreak polishes us,makes us wanna look better then we ever were before. Makes us become stronger and better.

My friends,always remember we are all unpolished diamonds,our worth may not be seen now,but those who threw us away will one day realize that we were actually raw diamonds among the rocks. The time to shine will come.

2011-03-28T12:45:00.002+08:00

i still think my smile is funny.
k nvm.

been a weird week
had supp papers
and on thursday after my paper,
me and th guys went to smoke at th main gate bus stop
no, not side gate since we were at engine school
me and suf were standing at th rubbish bin at th end
i was facing th road, he was in front of me facing engine sch
th others were somewhere at th back
then while we were smoking
some fat botak guy approachd us
looking like he wantd to borrow a lighter i swear
skali he flippd out his badge
MAMPOS.
i was bloody smoking contra!
so i swiftly went to put it out and throw it into th bin
but funny thing was
suf kena but i didnt
LUCKY HOR.

he kena fined 200bucks
poor suf :(
then he tore th paper cux he was angry -.-
so we went to kedai kopi techno opp sch
me, ros, sop and syahid tumpang suf car cux we lazy to walk xD
then ros n suf bustd
left me alone with sop and syahid
sop aka th drug addict
and
syahid
the forever hornynakmamposasshole
and
me aka theinnocentgilerbabirockerchick (HAHA PRASAN)
eeee sot pe aku
i jux stard at sop cux i was bored
then finally ros and suf came back
and thn all th way syahid talkd about sex
and his adventures with different girls and shit
omg th way he told his story was funny and bloody gross at th same time
this is what happens when a girl joins 4 guys to lepak at kedai kopi
HAHA.
but it was fun :D

zaffy da ns~
da jadi abang CD
met him aftr he bookd out
askd me to fetch him from jurong point
but in th end i lazy
hehe
so i met him under his block instead
after that met kira and went to lepak at mcd smoking corner
like th old times (:
want to lepak there more often can xD
we went to thon that night
went home at arnd 6am
trus k.o. when i bareng on my bed
remind me not to thon anymore please

and i watchd SUCKER PUNCH
OMG BEST SHIZZZ EVERRRRRRRRR
hot girls and hot action
sumpah boleh steam dalam theatre!
thx a lot bestie for th treat to cheer me up!
helpd a lot!
:D

and i bloody managd to fall sick today
ON A BLOODY MONDAY
FEK LAAAAA.
stupid flu
mux be from rainn
uuu beeeccchhhhh xD

i likey this song

I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing
Just prayed to a God that I don't believe in
'Cause I got time while she got freedom
'Cause when a heart breaks, no it don't breakeven

Her best days will be some of my worst
She finally met a man that's gonna put her first
While I'm wide awake she's no trouble sleeping
'Cause when a heart breaks, no it don't breakeven, even, no

What am I suppose to do
When the best part of me was always you and
What am I suppose to say
When I'm all choked up and you're okay

I'm falling to pieces, yeah
I'm falling to pieces

They say bad things happen for a reason
But no wise words gonna stop the bleeding
'Cause she's moved on while I'm still grieving
And when a heart breaks, no it don't breakeven, even, no

What am I gonna do
When the best part of me was always you
And what am I suppose to say
When I'm all choked up and you're okay

I'm falling to pieces, yeah
I'm falling to pieces, yeah
I'm falling to pieces
(One's still in love while the other one's leaving)
I'm falling to pieces
('Cause when a heart breaks, no it don't breakeven)

You got his heart and my heart and none of the pain
You took your suitcase, I took the blame
Now I'm tryna make sense of what little remains, oh
'Cause you left me with no love and no love to my name

I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing
Just prayed to a God that I don't believe in
'Cause I got time while she got freedom
'Cause when a heart breaks, no it don't break
No it don't break, no it don't breakeven, no

What am I gonna do
When the best part of me was always you
And what am I supposed to say
When I'm all choked up and you're okay

I'm falling to pieces, yeah
I'm falling to pieces, yeah
I'm falling to pieces
(One's still in love while the other one's leaving)
I'm falling to pieces
('Cause when a heart breaks, no it don't breakeven)

Oh, it don't breakeven, no.

k bye! :D

2011-03-18T23:46:00.000+08:00

I hope it's something worth the waiting,
'Cause it's the only thought that I ever feel real.
Thunderstorms could never stop me,
'Cause there's no one in the world like baby.

2011-03-17T16:28:00.004+08:00

yesterday was really nice
finally met baby (:
bought him ljs breakfast
and went over to th north side of this godforsaken island
th bloody long bus rides were making me nauseous
and he surprised me with a bouquet of flowers! :D
what made it more special is that
he made it himself with crepe paper
awwwwhhh!
so sweet of baby!
my first ever bouquet of flowers ^.^
i cant stop cradling it th whole night yesterday before i go to bed hehe
and he drove me home
wheeeeeeee~
i had a nice time watching him smile and laugh
and concentrate on driving from th passenger seat beside him
so cute! (:
i ♥ baby!

okay ive had enough of people asking me where i have been and stuff
im here hello?
still alive and kicking
you jux hav to call or text to meet up
but i havent been meeting people much
jux a small group of special people
im beginning to get lazy
to socialise and stuff
hehe :D

and i drank zombie goo yesterday
cux my coughs are getting more heavy
and blood come out!! :(
aiyooooo
i know ive been smoking like crazy
stress kaaaan
better than grabbing bottles or downing shots
i dont wanna touch those anymore
thats why i smoke like siao until mate berair.. HAHA.
anw th goo didnt do its work until like 3am
after i smokd a stick
that one wah damn knock out siao!
th sedative effect of taking looong drags plus th goo
i couldnt really get up until 4pm today
and im still unstable now
everything is a fuzz

and somebody made me wait for her for 1hr and a half
like some gundu babi at th playground macam loner habes
check2 her phone mati -.-
sot pe akuuuu.

and i have a fitness trainer now
cux my tummy getting bigger
everything i eat goes to my stomach la sial!
betul2 JELLYMONSTER
cux i JIGGLE :D
i know im cuuuteeeee~
HAHAH
MINTA KENE SEPAK

okay i should really clean my room
i read somewhere in order to unburden ur emotional state
you gotta unburden your physical state too
note:

un·bur·den/ˌənˈbərdn/

Verb: Relieve (someone) of something that is causing anxiety or distress

which means
sorting out your room
getting organized
getting rid of stuffs that you dont need from your room
clean out th closet like eminem did -- important!
which is exactly what im gonna do
soon..
HAHA
mlas.
im still drifty from th goo
because if u lift th weights off from th physical state
it will lift up your emotional state too
literally decreasing th weight off your shoulders gituuu kaaan
because your room is your sanctuary
where you seek shelter from th outside world
your very own canvas to paint on
which is equivalent to your mind
okay?
mind=room
got it?
okay?
okay..
very good..
so if you clean your room, get rid of th stuffs you dont want,
youre doing jux th same to your mind
best kan?
macam beli air pat 7-11
2 for th price of one!
ASYIKKK!
OMGGGG
saya rasa saya ada potensi untuk menjadi pakar psikologi :D
k diam bam.
cukop.
skit2 je eh..

OKAY NOW GO!
CLEAN YOUR GODDAMN ROOM
ITS STARTING TO LOOK LIKE JAPAN
hehs.
bustd~
HEEEEE~

2011-03-05T16:53:00.002+08:00

psst
hey
wanna hear a secret?
wonder why its raining today?
well
its a sad day.
like th rain, th tears,
they fall too.
remember,
you're not alone.

hope everyone will be okay

yana, i hope you'll stop crying
looking forward to giving you a hug later on
and

may god have mercy on qai's daddy soul
and qai, hope you'll be okay too.

and i hope i'll be okay too
i gotta stay strong for everyone.

2011-03-04T12:47:00.002+08:00

u know
ive always wantd to be a doctor or a nurse
quite ironic cux i nvr believd in medicine
but
i jux wanna like
help people
make their lives better
make a difference somehow to th world
one person at a time
help people
heal people
be it physically, emotionally or health-wise

sometimes when people push me away
i start questioning myself
am i doing things right
sometimes i care too much
maybe

i felt better waking up this morning
yesterday was rough
outta sorts
hands shaking
couldnt think things through properly
and whats worse
i saw a bloody dead body
now thats pretty fckd up
thanks afa baby for pulling th bottle away from my hand

i wanna go somewhere quiet
a place where i can smoke my lungs out
until tears well up in my eyes
think shits through
and no one is gonna stop me

understood?

2011-02-28T00:11:00.001+08:00

i still ♥ you.

2011-02-21T13:40:00.001+08:00

looks like youre doing fine without me.
:(

2011-02-08T12:37:00.002+08:00

aku tgh sot.
:D

i had dreams
of riding a bike
but then my bike stalld :(
and i dream i chasd kitties
cux they ran away with receipts in their mouth
like wtf
hahahaha

2011-02-04T14:30:00.003+08:00

you wanna know what i think?
i think this is all bullshit
dragging me along
with my face and tongue
buried in th fxing asphalt
sick and tired of your games

ive been busy working
now im damn tired
im becoming more sot
plus i workd at imh yesterday

know what
im jux tired
like really
jux tired..

2011-01-25T10:24:00.010+08:00

every morning id be rudely awakened by mummy's shoutings -.-
biler mau stop girl?
gua mau tido nnti nk g skola
lu ni prangai giler pagi2 buta ni pe hal?
ceh besar peh kohaja
hahaha

yesterday
monday
i hate mondays
was late for 9am class
couldnt do my tut quiz
fckd up my pmic interview test
and didnt get to spend time with him
said he would
but
whatever la eh
met th band after he left
went to jam
got to vent out my frustration
went home
then zaffy calld
talkd about a lot of stuffs

got a text from rafiq after i went home
said theyre now confusd
as to who will take th position of th drummer fr th band
after i subbd for syirah cux she cldnt make it fr yesterday's session
cux it was easier fr them to move along if i were to be behind th drum set
i mean, dudes
give her a chance
give her time
im sure she can make it
dont compare her to me
its unfair given that i drummd before and she hasnt
if she really wants in then i dont mind being out
but yesterday's session was great :D

i feel like
disappearing
how?

i jux wanna get away from it all.

2011-01-16T21:29:00.000+08:00

astaghfirullahalazim
boy
APESAL KAU BODOH NK MAMPOS?

2011-01-14T11:43:00.001+08:00

you dont need me
but i need you
you dont care about me
but i care about you

im gone.

2011-01-09T10:16:00.002+08:00

dear boy,
i am not your bloody toy.

2011-01-08T02:38:00.003+08:00

ive been so caught up on doing my work
and blocking out every emotions and thoughts
that when i suddenly stoppd,
it all comes back and hit me hard
until i cried
thats why i prefer to keep myself busy nowadays
eventhough i have nothing to do
id jux space out so i wont feel anyth
like a robot whose off switch is suddenly triggered

you know when you miss someone a lot
he was in your mind before you fall asleep
and when you finally fall asleep trying not to think of him
or anything to do with him because it will upset you for no good reason
as you start thinking about th bad stuffs
and get all paranoid and start to tear because it hurts
BUT THEN
he found a way to sneak into your dreams
FUCK. YOU.
good or bad?

good because maybe
he might be too busy enjoying, living his life
not contacting you for days, weeks, months, years
while youre stuck here waiting,
jux waiting for something to happen or him to find you
that when you finally get to meet th person
eventhough its in your dreams
it feels great doesnt it?
you may not be aware that youre dreaming
but everything feels good
feels nice, feels awesome
every touch, every breath, every kiss, every hug, every smell
everything
you feel everything
th sadness, happiness, anger, nervousness, anxiety, fear
everything
it feels real
for a moment
it IS real
some sort
in a surreal way
in fact, its better to not be aware that youre in a dream
so that youd get to really, really enjoy that moment together
because in that precise moment
EVERYTHING IS REAL

bad because
especially when you wake up
you realise it was all jux a dream
considering that you werent aware that you were dreaming that is
youd feel this heavy feeling in your heart
and confusion in your mind
and then disappointment sinks in
after all that happened, it was all jux a dream?
th hug, th kiss..
it wasnt real?
WAKE UP ALREADY.
and then sometimes youd become frantic
as th emotions and series of events were brought forward into real life for a few minutes
and then it will finally hit you that all of it wasnt real
then theres the FUCK WHAT AM I DOING moment

but waking up and knowing that it was all a dream
makes you smile and chuckle to youself after awhile
it will all seem funny to you
and it is funny isnt it
feelings being playd around
actually no.
ITS FRUSTRATING.

sometimes i wish i didnt wake up from my dream
and id stay in bed
trying to go back to sleep
and hoping th dream will somehow continues
like a tv show
episodes after episodes
wont it be cool?
progressive dreams..
most of th time it wont
especially for th ones you want it to continue because its jux awesome

bittersweet feeling
to meet someone you miss in your dreams
like a magical rendezvous
except it wasnt planned
like a pleasant run-into

okay im blabbering
i should get back to finishing my research

2011-01-08T02:17:00.000+08:00

FUCK. im crying.

2011-01-07T12:58:00.002+08:00

Every monday will be blue

tuesday, grey and wednesday too

thursday I wont care about you

its friday I’m in love

monday I will fall apart

tuesday, wednesday break my heart

thursday doesnt even start

its friday I’m in love

monday’s black

tuesday wednesday heart attack

thursday never looking back

it’s friday I’m in love

monday feel like hitting my head

tuesday wednesday stay in bed or

thursday watch the walls instead

it’s friday I’m in love

its friday finally

had a nice sleep last night after what? weeks? months?

but unfortunately i woke up jux when my class has started

so fuck that shiz

i had an awesome dream, bitch.

i feel like going jamming

been awhile since i sat behind a set of drums

because SOMEONE robbed me of that opportunity yesterday but showing her face

bloody bitch

big mistake to cross my path and show me that stupid idiotic face of yours

can still ask rafiq whether i hate you?

if u want jux come talk to me face to face la slenge

anw daddy jux gave me fifty bucks ;D

feel like going shopping

but no one to teman :(

i feel like asking him to buy me a guitar

cux mummy smashd mine -.-

kay ima go find peeps to hang with

2011-01-06T23:41:00.003+08:00

i wish to be an emotionless fucker.

2011-01-04T11:48:00.002+08:00

its been awhile since i posted
because why?
my lappy is dead
motherboard fried so it cant be revived
dammit
im stuck here using my notebook
sumpah screen kecik nak mampos
oh well
better than nothing i guess
daddy says if i want a lappy id have to work for it
lets get a job! go! ;D

unexpectdly mummy isnt working today
i woke up to her voice
and immediately i wantd to jux bolt out th living room door and run
seriously
i cant stand being near her
let alone being in a house alone with her
good god
i jux feel so unsafe and uncomfortable around her
its not th same anymore
i am completely repulsd by th sight of her
even th idea of being with her
but in a way
i love her very much cux shes my mummy
shes done a lot of stuffs for me
i cant bear to abandon th mother who carried me for 9 mths in her
besides that theres tons of stuffs and sacrifices she did go through for me
im grateful to her but apparently im not showing it by being this
"setanic" kid, her exact words
after all
she doesnt want me to be a bad kid
only wants whats best for me
but shes too..
how do i say this
up my grill?
id get smothered
and id rebel more
dont know la
maybe im rambling
im still drunk on sleep
and i hav to drag my ass out of th house to pretend to go to school
nyao.

2010-12-27T00:48:00.003+08:00

baby still obsessd over th quote i postd a while back.
i put th quote on th sidebar jux fr u baby (:
cux i like it too :D

weekend
baby was away
went to hav a sleepover at kirq's
had fun chatting with him all night long
i love my big bro :D
i forgot to bring contact lens casing
so i slept with them on
hahaha
but surprisingly it didnt sting or got lost in my eye
it behavd very well

went to penin and bugis jux now to take a look around
had loads of fun
eating mini doggies drenchd in cheese and munching on chicken sandwich
omg delicious
went to buy accessories like crazy hahaha
and kira baby, thanks for everything!
and we're now married, seald with a ring on our finger ;D
hahaha
i wanna go back to buy this tie dye dress
omg to die for i swear
and i want new tankies :(

and ima end this with a song thats now stuck in my head
thanks to isra baby

APIT-CINTAKU DIPERMAINKAN

Tidakkah kau tahu sayang
Betapa ku sayang padamu
Engkaulah insan yang ku cinta
Untuk selama-lamanya

Tapi disebaliknya apa
Yang kau berikan padaku
Kasih dan sayang ku tiada
Pilunya di hatiku

Kini kau berubah
Kau tak seperti dulu
Mengapa sayang mengapa
Engkau jadi begini

Kini aku menyesal menyintaimu
Kerana cintaku dipermainkan secukup-cukupnya
Hampalah hatiku dalam percintaan
Engkau membuatku tidak mahu cinta lagi sayang

Mengapa engkau permainkan
Cinta yang sudah kita bina
Kini kalau tak sayang lagi
Berterus terang padaku

Janganlah engkau menyiksa ku
Tak sanggup lagi ku menanggung
Dugaan cinta yang kau beri
Terhadap diriku

Sakitnya hatiku
Sampainya hatimu
Kau tidak melayan diriku
Seperti dahulu

Cuba kau rasakan apa yang telah ku rasa
Kini pasti kau juga akan menyesali cintaku
Kini airmata pun mula mengalir
Engkau masih belum berubah engkau tetap sama

Kini aku meminta maaf
Kerana hatiku dah tertutup
Untuk dirimu oh sayang
Lepaskan aku, bebaskan aku
Pergilah sayang, jangan kembali lagi
Cintaku dipermainkan

to be honest
this was what i felt
when
you know
i shant think about it
because now im happy with baby since he came back
love you!

2010-12-26T02:06:00.000+08:00

How do I breathe
Without you here by my side?
How will I sleep
When your love got me through th night?
Where do I go
When your heart's where I lay my head?
When you're not with me,
How do I breathe?

2010-12-25T22:07:00.001+08:00

its raining
and im all alone in my room in th dark
i wish for baby to come over
so i could sleep in his arms all night
and wake up to his cute face.

2010-12-25T20:08:00.001+08:00

We all talk about how much we hate lies. Yet we prefer, so often, to be lied to. Cux it allows us to dodge all those painful truths we'd rather not hear. ♥

2010-12-22T22:46:00.001+08:00

go.
jux go.
ignore me
neglect me
leave me
forget me
(:

2010-12-22T04:11:00.002+08:00

hello.
remember me?
you used to smile when you see me,
hug me for no reason,
talk to me about anything under th sun
and love me for who i am.
i miss that.

2010-12-21T23:53:00.004+08:00

"sweet and dangerously DECEIVING"
-Zaffy

HAHAHAHAHA.
muka mintak kene sepak
sorry, was bored ;D

today was okay
went to meet ruz to pass cam
that boy forever wants to hold my dslr -.-
went out with isrababy again today
this time, her turn to come down east side
cux i went to th north and west for her yesterday ;D
went to tamp one to walk around
went into new look
and we found these fabulous heels and skirts :D
since we didnt have much money
we decided to grab those heels
cux it was a bloody great bargain
we got those for 20 bucks each ;D
mine was priced at 54 and was markd down to 20
tell me u want to buy or not?!
of course right
damn sexaayyee hahahaha
still wobbly in them but mux pract before next clubbing night out ;D
macam paham.
okay moving on
went to challenger to get me earpiece
and also got my iphone a bloody screen protector
knowing me, it wont last long without one
so i spent 50 bucks in one day
baguuuus.
now im totally pokai i wanna cry
cant go out anymore

full moon
i wish i could spend th night out staring at it with my baby :(

and pariah dog i hate you so much
thank you for doing this to me.
you no longer exist in my life.
goodbye.
^^

2010-12-21T16:55:00.001+08:00

"When you’re out there looking for that perfect person, keep these things in mind - People change, no matter how hard they try not to. As you grow older you mature, and with each new level of maturity come different ideas, different needs and wants. The person who was perfect for you at twenty could be the person you hate when you’re thirty-five. You have to find some one who will grow with you, change with you, laugh with you and cry with you. A person who fills in where you lack, a person whom you can fill in for when they are lacking. But what about the perfect person, you ask? They do not exist. There are no perfect people, only people who are perfect for each other. You deserve to be happy not in the arms of someone who keeps you waiting but in the arms of someone who will take you now."

— J.M. Whitaker

2010-12-21T01:28:00.002+08:00

my eyes itchy like crazy i jux wanna scratch em out
and th stupid migraine is back

gosh my body damn shaggd
went around today
hours of bus rides

woke up
did csas test
went to meet isra at woodlands
went to jurong to send her lappy for repair
went to boon lay for dinner
went back to woodlands
and then back to tampines
and finally simei
daaaamnnnn
i could hav jux died
bus rides were making my butt numb

i forcd zombie and midnight to have sex
but zombie didnt want and kept pushing midnight away
bloody bitch

i miss baby.
k bye.

2010-12-16T01:00:00.002+08:00

you know what i feel like doing right now?

sleep

if only i would never wake up.

i see no point in ever waking up.

just
FUCK YOU.
really.

2010-12-14T23:22:00.003+08:00

BOOYAKAH BOOYAKAH!
HAHAHAHAH
thanks eh pariah dog
for letting me watch ali g's movie
now th song is stucked in my head!
WICKED WICKED!
jungle is massive..
:D

had like th most
awake night ever last night
thanks though to pariah dog for keeping me company ;D
woke up around late afternoon
thanks baby for paying for me doctor's bill
and thanks pariah dog for accompanying me to th doc
and for subway's peanut butter cookies :D
went to tamp after seeing th doctor
cux pariah dog wantd to sign up for a new line
he got a motorola flipout! :D
damn awesome
but he die2 wantd th purple cover but didnt have
only green, red and white
then went to macs to get isra's mcspicy
said goodbye to pariah dog
went to take bus to ros' house
met isra n ros to study
and then walkd home :D

I IS HIGH ON ZOMBIE GOO
someone please spam me morning call
but it doesnt matter if i miss my test tmr
cux doc gave me two days mc!
wheeee~
and he askd about my piercing -.-
he askd whether liquid will come out of th hole when i take my ring out -.-
HAHAHAH
cute sia th doctor
but expensive :S
thanks to baby fr paying :D
though i feel bad taking ur money
:(

shall i go to school tomorrow?
and why is everyone asking me to meet tmr
its a wednesday for god's sake
thought it only happened on fridays..

okay i is want to practice guitar :D
and study
eeeee

2010-12-13T22:14:00.000+08:00

i feel so alone.

2010-12-11T15:08:00.000+08:00

You've got me shaking from the way you're talking,
My heart is breaking but there's no use crying.
What a cyanide surprise you have left for my eyes,
If I had common sense I'd cut myself or curl up and die.
Sticks and stones could break my bones,
But anything you say will only fuel my lungs.

2010-12-11T12:42:00.002+08:00

im sorry.
please dont leave me,
not again.

2010-12-11T01:15:00.003+08:00

jux came back from th bbq
took cab home since missd my bus
finally saw khalis
he n his friends slacking at paris mrt
i swear i wanna go for a ride in his car
blastd electro music like nobody business
drive confirm swee
hahahahaha

dang it to hell i fell sick :(
i dont know why i suddenly had a fever at th bbq
shit
sick during weekends :(
suck assssssss

and i have to go for counselling during term break
boooooo.

going for another bbq tomorrow
maybe
gotta study for term test

bloody hell this migraine is killing me i swear

im
sad
and
sick
awesome.

2010-12-10T11:13:00.003+08:00

gah crap.
fell asleep last night
so i didnt manage to do a single bit on my report due today
bacen betol.

didnt go for counselling this week
seeing her for class later
hope she doesnt pull me back to stay longer
mlas aku nak layan kau membebel

having bbq later :D

off to school with lappy!
need to do my work :(

2010-12-10T00:29:00.000+08:00

took pills
im jux feeling sick.
i swear.

2010-12-10T00:03:00.002+08:00

i regret getting out of bed
i jux felt so alone today
even though surrounded by loads of people
i still feel so alone

cabbed to school
went for th one hour tutorial
skipped th rest
followed isra n ros to tamp
then elly came
then adam came
elly+ros
isra+adam
and where does that leave me
walking alone
seeing them so happy together
yeah i am happy for them
but at th same time it made me feel so alone
it was pure torture
spending th whole day with them
even though i love them to bits
i jux felt like running home
and bury myself under my blankie
where even though im alone
i feel safe and secure

2010-12-05T12:46:00.004+08:00

im bored
thats why i decided to update
hehs ;D

a lot has been going on lately
kira getting a job
th riders fighting
and me getting compulsory counselling every week
yeapp. im crazy.
and im sick :(
everyone's falling sick nowadays
whyyy?! D:

sleptover at isra's place over th weekend
i swear her house is damn cool
so many doors n passageways
can play maze and hide and seek!
hahaha
i forgot she has a maomao
and so my allergies acted up
and thats how i fell sick
eyes were red, stinging and itchy as hell
i jux wantd to scratch my eyes out
nose blockd and runny at th same time like wtf?
hahaha
and rashes on my jawline downwards :(
thanks dinie for accompanying me to make sure i get home safely :D

i want peanutbutter cookies

im starting to become weary of my dreams
i believe theyre signs and warnings
because everything i dream
it changes my life sorta
and it will happen in th future
like
deja vu or something

i feel like cutting my hair
atleast trim
or redo my fringe?
i dont know
dye it purple again maybe?
:D

i feel like drinking
i dont know why

i cleaned my room today (:
i should rearrange my furniture around

sape nak lepak niari?
text me ;D

2010-11-27T01:12:00.001+08:00

♥

2010-11-17T23:27:00.002+08:00

i had a dream
and it came true
dinie, i guess youre right.

Dear angel of mine,

Where do I start to express how I feel?
Well, my love's gone blind.
Now all that I feel is what I hear.
Your words rip and tear,
Through my heart so weak and pure.
Now I find myself wanting to die.

I bleed for the second time tonight
Holding the love that's in my mind.
If only my love could be with you.
If only this pain, this pain died too
So I break you away, away, away from me.

As I sit here alone
Thinking about everything that you said.
You know since I'm alone.
Well, maybe after all, I was better off dead.
Cause without you my life's gone down...
What do I do, when I find myself wanting to die?

I bleed for the second time tonight
Holding the love that's in my mind.
If only my love could be with you.
If only this pain, this pain died too
I bleed for the second time tonight
Holding the love that's in my mind.
If only my love could be with you.
If only this pain, this pain died too
I break you away, away, away from me.

And I don't know I'll break you away
Said, I'll break you away, away, away from me.

Sincerely Yours.

2010-11-16T16:22:00.002+08:00

NOICE.

im so bloody tired.
went for counselling jux now.
was alright i guess
after that went to eat johnjohn!
and then homeeee

i had th most memorable kiss of my life a few nights ago
^.^
funny story.

ohaaaa~

2010-11-15T02:54:00.003+08:00

im jux amazed at how well you know me.
youre
amazing (:

2010-11-14T12:12:00.004+08:00

ni namanya BESAR PUNYA KURANG AJAR
HAHAHAHAHAHA!
bodo punya alif!

i dont know why but i jux loooveee
to drink at sentosa! :D

went for a drink again last night at sentosa
with my baby isra :D
bought bacardi n redbull
and headed off to tanjong
wanted some alone time
but there was a chivas rugby event there -.-
so much for alone time
so went to settle down under a pondok
chilled and storytimeeee! :D
i drank like 3 quarts of th bottle
so i was like high all th time
then dinie textd he wantd to drink too
so i invited him to join us
bitch arrived at 10 plus with mamat
more drinks!
they brought smirnoff
crossed th wobbly bridge and settle down
drank somemore
until like past midnight
so much for going home BEFORE 10PM -.-
got screwed like hell when i got home
oh well
nothing new

and whats funny is that
i dont feel so dead
i have glucose and alcohol in my blood
and i took 2 chloropheniramine pills + 1 paracetamol
and i managed to only get like 3 to 4 hrs of sleep
i though id be either dead, zombified or foaming at th mouth
but no
here i am updating bloggie and playing guitar
APAAAAA SIAAA

few days back
ros treatd us to a meal n rounds of drinks
cux he jux got his pay
:D
so me, isra, ros and elly went to wendy's
it was delicious! :D
first time trying it
and im so going back for more of th chicken
and then ros draggd us to Harry's for drinks
i had a mojito!
awesome shizzz i tell you
i looovee th taste of lime and mint along with th sharpness of th white rum
and then we took a round of tequila shots
its fun doing it with friends :D
and then we went to th bar for tequila pop!
spent like $100+ in total
thanks ros! :D

well i havent been going to school for like 3 weeks now
and so i got thrown at a counsellor -.-
BAYEKKK.

im hungry :(

2010-11-10T00:10:00.004+08:00

i am no longer a club virgin :D
went to sentosa with kirq and friends to celebrate sis bf birthday

planned a surprise
made a reservation at cafe del mar
after hanging out by siloso beach
it started to drizzle
went in to cafe del mar
then we felt that it was boring
so went to check out azzura instead
decided to stay as its much better than cafe del mar
so birthday boy cut cake
drinks came
then it started to rain heavily
got so wet
and then azzura opened its top floor, th harem
i swear its bloody awesome! :D
had loads of fun getting high and dancing!
danced with my baby, isra! :D
and th others as well
then she had to go home
waited for th last bus with her
and sent her off
walked back alone and got disturbd by some bald men
scary know
i hav a phobia of bald people HAHA
went back up to th harem after a smoke with th security dudes outside
and when i got back up
th dj played SHOTS! and
LET THE BASS KICK IN MIAMI!
straight off to th dance floor for me!
woots woots! :D
after all that
went back to bro's house
head throbbing like fek i swear
and i rmbrd bro walking into our room when i was sleeping with sis
and when i woke up in th morning
he showed me a pic he took
of me n sis sleeping -.-
WE HAD TH SAME POSE!
HAHAHAHAHA
while sleeping -.-
noice.

hahahahahaha

I WANNA GO AZZURA AGAIN! :D

2010-10-30T00:09:00.003+08:00

okay
my nose is runny
im dizzy
feel sooo rimas now
face pale
dark circles getting darker
im sick :(
serious seh dinie
u owe me for borrowing my energy

2010-10-29T22:21:00.002+08:00

i swear im bloody tired
my legs are like jelly right now
youre welcome dinie for borrowing my energy
thank god im at home
if not i swear im gonna golek pat lantai all th way home
hahahahaa

today was boring
went to school early
didnt go for class
lazy
plus i dont like th chem eng kids
hehs

was stuck in sch for like an hr because of th rain
went to paris to meet th gang afterwards
said they wantd to go out on halloween all dressd up on sunday
on th same day dinie invitd me for a drink
so i dont know which to go for
drink sounds tempting
okay prangai alcoholic
i dont know why im drinking a lot these days

oh well.
life sucks.

bye! :D

2010-10-26T23:22:00.001+08:00

:[VaMpiRe RoCkStaR:[ says (11:21 PM):
*guys and their egos..
*girls and their tak perlu feelings.

hell yeah.

2010-10-25T23:47:00.002+08:00

went to sheesha today

few days ago
did went to sheesha also
at haji lane
with bedok riders
me and moosey were th only paris riders invited ;D
special kaaan
hahaha
it was to actually celebrate lee mei, sani gf's, bday
and some other dude
had cherry mint and mixed fruit
and potato wedges
th dip so bloody nice i swear!
nk lagi! :D
anw in th end
2 by 2
we went out
until th last one, sani and lee mei
we jux anyhow go out and ran along some alley
cux we didnt wanna pay!
hahahahaha!
we actually had enough but wantd to use it for drinks later on instead
smart right ;D

anw
went to sheesha with isra
and you know whats th best thin
we went to th same place i cabot from few nights ago!
wtf!
no one recognizes me though
naseb!
place was like empty
shiok
went upstairs to sit at th cushion2 area
best
hahaha
had grape flavor this time
and i ordered th potato wedges again with th to-die-for dip
i dont know why but i kinda like
cant sheesha
everytime i suck it
YES SUCK IT
hahahaahhaa
like so little smoke come out
like cb!
not like isra
smoke machine sumpah
sheesha hurts my throat :(
i kept on smoking my winston instead of th sheesha haha

and before went to sheesha
met th gang in th morning
cux i had to fake i got school to mummy
in th end fight some more
-.-
why is everyone fighting like
fighting in front of me?
if not fighting in front of me,
they carik pasal with me
what did i do :(
innocent okay ;P

thonned at jb last few nights
was fun
and i got a stuffed parrot from some dude who works at jurong bird park
for free! :D
cuuuteee i likeee :D
then when i thonned
my phone ran out of battery
didnt think of anything
sorta forgot about th world
and so i didnt contact anyone until like 5pm or something
and when i called kira
I GOT SCOLDED RABAK
because EVERYONE IS FINDING ME
including th gang and th riders!
i didnt know anyone would care for me :(
sumpah when i turned on th phone got loads of messages asking where i am

im getting sleepy
think ima light a stick and say byebye to th world
heeee~

2010-10-25T00:16:00.001+08:00

i thought i could be strong
but i was wrong

i miss you.
so so much.

2010-10-23T13:48:00.001+08:00

those four straight days of getting high made me feel better
because i feel so distant from everyone
distant from pain
now
i jux wanna be alone forever...
please.

2010-10-23T00:55:00.003+08:00

i have nice hair today
but i used a scarf to pull it back
was hyper today
i cannot shut up i swear hahaha
until to th extent i fought with someone
cux i offended him in some way which i dont think i did
bt he did hurt me with his comeback
bitch

anyway im slowly coming back
drank zombie juice for like 4 nights straight
so im like
O.O
distant at times

did i tell you what happened to me th last time we went to sentosa?
had a fabulous time by th way with th girls
then i wasnt in th right state of mind to go home myself
cux drank too much zombie juice
so i called dinie to come down to send me home
everyone else couldnt make it
too busy or jux didnt bother or cared
so i thank god dinie agreed
everyone else left except me
dinie came straight from school
and so we lepak at th beach for awhile before walking back
wanted to take th last train home
bt we fell asleep
and we missed it -.-
and we thonned at sentosa
sumpah fun and scary!
whoooo~
went to beside tanjong after midnight
stayed there th whole night
that was th scary part
woke up to a peacock tgh biseng
but it was a wonderful sight to wake up to
waking up on a beach to see th colorful feathers of a peacock :D
after we managed to survive through th night
made our way to woodlands
accompanied dinie to ssdc for bike rtt
but we were late
so missed that
kesian dinie :(
we gt jealous looking at people taking their bike pract D:

i bought two tanktops today
andand bought a cute pink scarf for zaffy to wear hahaha
got hit with a ball at full force on th head today
drank zombie juice again today

HEBAT!

2010-10-18T23:00:00.003+08:00

tadi idung kita klua darah :(
tadi des nangis
tadi zaf ngan alex dye rambot pat playground malam2
tadi jerron ngan zaf tnye me for hair dying tips ;D
tadi kepala kita sakit giler
so kita balek cepat sikit
tadi daddy gosok baju beh aleh2 board dia terlipat n collapse
and he hold th iron thingey in midair in one hand and his shirt on th other
beh kita ketawa pasal klaka giler

skarang kita tengah tengok tv
skarang kita tengah carik pick yg kaler purple kita
favourite tau awak
beh ilang
kita nk nangis
skarang kita rindu kita punya darling :(
pasal dia asek2 busy je :(
SKARANG KEPALA KITA MACAM NK MELETUP!!!
SAKIT!!!

2010-10-18T12:58:00.001+08:00

my nose bled in th middle of th night.
scary.

2010-10-17T23:29:00.001+08:00

i almost got knockd down by a bloody car.

2010-10-13T23:38:00.006+08:00

was feeling bleagh today
so went to lepak for a while
and jerron was dared to do this:

HAHAHAHA damn funny i swear
many people stared
he had to go up th bus like that
and keep those things on throughout th whole journey
and when we got down, lians laughed at him
HARD.
hahahaha
bodoh punya babi xD

i owe people so many phones
owe elfi a phone, BUT! gave it to him jux now along with my sim card
poor boy doesnt have a phone
got so frustrating how he always is missing in action
so we decided to give him a phone n my ppd
owe alon her iphone which is like dead beside my lappy right now
owe fat rabbit a spare phone
and i owe b his phone
DAAAAAMMNNN
no wonder like so many phones in my room

okay nak makan epok epok sadin!
lapaaa~

and oh oh!
I BLOODY PASSED MY STINKIN MATHS!
AND GILERBABIPUNYA OC2 PUN!
YESSAAAAA~
happy ^^
sentosa anyone?
:D

2010-10-13T02:09:00.003+08:00

whenever i feel th vibration
whenever i hear that familiar voice
in th middle of th night
different from th norm
chirpier,
i would say you are

and then your words starts to slur

heartache.

thanks a lot.

2010-10-10T23:25:00.001+08:00

went shopping today
yeah surprising right
end up no mood
didnt buy anyth -.-
ah i tired ah!

2010-10-08T23:51:00.004+08:00

i will not go out tonight.
i will go to sleep early.

i saw a rainbow today
it was so beautiful and i cant keep my eyes off of it
and then i thought of you...

2010-10-08T01:36:00.001+08:00

jux finished my last bottle of cough syrup
damn it.
i hate how ive been dependent on it for sleep.

2010-10-06T01:41:00.007+08:00

how about
I DONT GIVE A FK ANYMORE?

2010-10-04T02:28:00.001+08:00

im tired of crying.

2010-10-04T01:02:00.002+08:00

i hate being alone at night
feels so lonely
i jux want to stay with u on th phone until i fall asleep

2010-10-03T14:17:00.004+08:00

i haz new phone :D

♥

2010-10-03T12:13:00.005+08:00

bbq turned out good

awesome night
was hyper throughout
except for those mini episodes where.. nvm
anywaaayyyy
thanks to those who gladly came down to celebrate my birthday with me :D

most awesome part :

i was wet bebehh
very wet

like literally.

i got splashed with water
not jux water
HONEYDEW water
so im all sweet n sticky ;D

heeeeee~

im bored
anyone wanna go out teman me study?
(:

2010-10-02T23:49:00.000+08:00

im sorry if i am such a burden.

2010-10-02T19:57:00.002+08:00

2010-10-01T13:10:00.002+08:00

Walking out the door this morning wondering what it is that's going on with you
Thinking of a way to say I'm sorry for something that I'm not sure I do
So come on baby let me in and show me what this really is cause

Something must have made you say that,
what did I do to make you say that to me
Something must have made you so mad,
what can I do to make you say come back to me

Hoping for a moment that I turn around and you'll be coming after me
Cause all that I can say is that it's obvious, it's obvious you're all I see
So come on baby let me in and show me what this really is about
Cause I can't read you
Come on baby let me in and show me what this really is cause

Something must have made you say that, what did I do to make you say that to me
Something must have made you so mad, what can I do to make you say come back to me

And I'll be here in the morning if you say stay, if you say stay to me

Something must have made you say that, what did I do to make you say that to me
Something must have made you so mad, what can I do to make you say come back to me

2010-10-01T11:36:00.001+08:00

yessa, i didnt wake up in th middle of th night to cry

gonna celebrate me bday today
WHEEEEE~
^o^

2010-10-01T00:20:00.001+08:00

drank zombie goo
hopefully it will keep me asleep
for as long as it takes for me to be okay

2010-09-29T23:36:00.002+08:00

affinity?

2010-09-29T16:38:00.001+08:00

you just dont care now,
do you?

2010-09-28T20:42:00.000+08:00

im sick again.

:'(

2010-09-27T23:58:00.003+08:00

shh.

2010-09-23T01:06:00.002+08:00

really stressed to th max can
i dont know if i can pull together th gathering shit by this weekend
HELP.

gonna unwind tomorrow hopefully
in th morning meeting apek for a drink
and then off to meet zaf and jerron n moosey and th rest for second round
and try to finally settle the gathering thing
its already thursday!
thank god i hav plans this weekend
i cant bear to be alone
b's gonna be mia for 5 freaking long days starting tomorrow :(
but sunday's me bday
which means im finally 18 and legal so i can finally get that student plan shit thingey u bastard who works starhub at tampines mall
bitch so rude to me early in th morning :@
okay fine la i forgive u because its morning and everyone's cranky because we all havent had our prata telur satu prata kosong satu and teh tarik kawkaw for breakfast kan ;D

eh diam lah farhah ape kau bebual ni siaaaa

k diam
shhh!

2010-09-22T23:42:00.001+08:00

FUCKTARD.
STOP TALKING ABOUT MY BOYS CAN?

2010-09-18T14:28:00.000+08:00

it hurts.